All that’s wrong in the kpop world: pseudo-child pornography tied up with a ribbon

Oh, kpop.  How I love you, and how I hate you.  There are times when I come home after a long day, and new kpop songs can brighten me up.  I have spent many an afternoon dancing to Bingeul Bingeul and Mr. Simple with my flatmate in the kitchen, professing my love to G Dragon, and wishing I was as pretty and badass as 2ne1 and SNSD.  But at times, kpop can break my heart with some of the worst, most ridiculously horrible crap I have ever seen.

Skarf is a brand spanking new band, which is half Singaporean and half Korean (hence the K instead of the c in the word scarf.  REALLY!?? WAE YOU CHOOSE TO NAME THESE BANDS SO BADLY SOMETIMES!? WAE!??).  They’re apparently going for the cutesy vibe, which I have a tendency to hate with a fiery passion on the best of days.  However, occasionally it wins me over!  Honest!  I don’t dislike Dal Shabet!  I actually like A Pink.  SNSD’s Oh and Genie are two of my favorite songs.  However, SKarf’s Oh! Dance is not one of the few “cute” exceptions.  This song is going down on my list of HATE FOREVER, PLEASE NEVER MAKE A MV OR SONG LIKE THIS EVER AGAIN!!

Reaction.

Right away, I could tell this would be a hate song.  As soon as the stupid twinkly music chimed in and the girl made this expression…

I FORGOT TO BRING MY BRAIN!! OH NO!!

I knew it was going to be bad.  But let’s just continue.

First of all…

is she TWIRLING to her tea!??  REALLY!??  NO ONE DOES THAT!! IF YOU DO THAT, YOU HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS!! COME ON!!! Also, flowers, tea, cakes, and white outfits.  Could we get more cliche than this?  It’s like one big cluster fuck of “ooh, look, we’re innocent angels who want nothing more than to bake our husbands cookies!!” >_< Disapproval.

Yes, we get the picture.  They’re happy at everything, including their oddly shaped cake.  But seriously, NO ONE is that happy with tea and cake.  I bet they’re plotting something… like world domination.  Secretly, there’s a body held underneath that table, and they’re just arguing over how best to COOK IT!!!  That’s not the smile of pure innocent bliss!  Oh no, it’s a smile of CRAZY!!!

*cue nature documentary voice* Here we can see the cute aegyo girl in its natural habitat.  This pose is the “oppa pout wiggle” famous for bringing men to their knees.  It is a fighting technique long developed to charm men into a false sense of security before the carnivorous aegyo creature devours his heart.

OMG WHAT IS THIS STRANGE CREATION!!?? I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE!!!

Oh, don’t worry girls, it’s nothing.  Just a nice mushy creation that I’m a short distance away from THROWING IN YOUR STUPID FACE!!!

oh COME ON girls, REALLY!?? Have you never READ ANYTHING!?? Have you never SEEN Snow White!?? NEVER EAT THE FUNNY LOOKING APPLE!! NEVER!! IT LEADS TO DEATH AND DISEASE!! Come on, it’s even in the bible.  One of the commandments is Thou Shalt Not Eat Strangely Colored Apples, because if Thou Does, Thou Shalt Be Chucked out of Paradise and Blamed for all the sins in the world!! (or something like that… I’m a bit hazy on the precise wording)  EITHER WAY!! SAY NO TO THE APPLES!!!

Is that really your main dance?  Really?  In a room full of toy horses, dressed all in white in what looks to be a child’s dress, you’re giving me the “it’s ok, I’m legal and willing” sign?  Really!?? So wrong… so very wrong…

I can’t.  No more.  Please, make it stop.

WHY are you holding a rhythmic gymnatsics ribbon?  Why?? Oh, I forgot to stop trying to make sense of this MV.

Are you… popping massive bubbles on their faces?  That’s a bit rude, isn’t it?

Hehe, on the hair flip dance break part the girl is wearing a pony tail so it looks weird.  Teehee *wipes tear from eyes* ah, small pleasures!

DIDN’T I TELL YOU NOT TO EAT THE DAMN APPLE!! Now look what you’ve done, you’ve gone and gotten yourself in an enchanted sleep and some freaking stupid-ass prince is gonna have to kick you all awake.  Really, this is ridiculous.  I can’t leave you anywhere! *walks to wall and starts beating head against it.*

Oh, nope.  I guess it wasn’t enchanted… they were just tired… from doing absolutely nothing… except eating cake… and filming this softcore porn… huh.  Good effort, girls, good effort.

Phew.  Thank god that’s over.  On a more serious note, what I find really sad about these newly debuted idol groups is that, in an effort to create a new male fan base, they literally stoop to anything.  These girls in reality are probably wonderfully intelligent, talented girls who have put everything into making a worthwhile debut, in hopes of becoming recognized and famous.  Instead, their stupid-ass CEOs, and whoever the hell came up with this concept, decides to make them the “cute” girls, which really just translates (unfortunately) into idiotic, slack-jawed children.  And yes, this MV has so many Freudian issues I don’t even want to go into that.  White dresses signifying purity, toy horses, balloons, this is literally a pedophiles wet dream.  I think it’s such a shame that this culture is constantly pursued (not just in kpop, I’m looking at you Britney Spears with the “Oops I did it again” and “Hit me one more time’s”), when concepts where women could be fierce and show off their power are, for the most part, ignored.  Yes, there are exceptions, but unfortunately few and far between.  And come on, male fans who like this shit.  Stop kidding yourself.  I bet the girls making this MV are every bit as ashamed by it as I am.

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2 thoughts on “All that’s wrong in the kpop world: pseudo-child pornography tied up with a ribbon

  1. I always twirl to my tea. Have you not seen my Olympic winning tea twirl, slide step, slow motion back flip to the sound of Earl Grey being brewed in a Faberge teapot?

    • refer back to the moment when i say “if you do twirl to tea, you have mental issues.” that, my dear friend, applies to you on so many levels! although i must admit, they are most definitely olympic-worthy twirls!

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